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Joshua Lavish

2010-11-29T13:42:01Z

217.155.192.180:

{{Character Data
|title= Sir Joshua Lavish
|photo= Lavish.jpg|Sir Joshua Lavish, as drawn by [[User:Knmatt|Matt Smith]]
|name=
|race= [[Human]]
|occupation= Previous Chairman of the [[Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork]]
|appearance=
|residence= [[Ankh-Morpork]]
|death= ''in flagrante delicto'' at age 80
|parents=
|relatives=
|children= a whole tribe of Lavishes
|marital status= was married to [[Topsy Lavish]]
|books= {{MM}}
|cameos=
}}

Sir Joshua Lavish, now deceased, was in charge of the [[Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork]] before [[Moist von Lipwig]]. He was married to [[Topsy Lavish]], who was once his mistress. He left her 50% of the Bank in his will.

He went through mistresses - or, at least, sexual partners - with great voracity and bewildering rapidity. The Chairman's suite at the Bank was - appropriately enough - lavish, and you had to get through four rooms before you found the bedroom. One of the wardrobes of said bedroom was entirely filled with leather and rubber garments, toys and ''things'', (making him a patron of the shop owned by one Mr. [[Tuttle Scrope]].) It appeared that, well into the autumn of his life, his sexual appetites needed more than just appeasing: they were extravagant, and he demanded much of his conquests.

On viewing the wardrobe's contents, [[Adora Belle Dearheart]] made a very insightful comment on this, of the sort that left [[Moist von Lipwig]] pondering her words with more than usual attention. She described it as a classic case of the [[Horseradish Sauce Syndrome]]. Another side-effect was that the [[Mr Fusspot|Chairman]] was in doggy heaven and discovered a new doggy toy to play with, to which he became ''very'' attached. (anyone trying to take it from him would have lost a few fingers). It is very possible that this was the deciding factor in [[Vetinari]] opting to take over guardianship of the Chairman: the sight of Mr Fusspot energetically playing with his toy in front of the massed civic worthies of [[Ankh-Morpork]], and the mental derailment it caused, would be as good as the waiting room clock to the Patrician, with regard to putting your interviewee off his best mental form.

However, Sir Joshua's pleasures did not come cheap and he played his part in beggaring the bank, getting through ten tonnes of gold in the interim. What Sir Joshua didn't spend on [[Seamstresses]] apparently ended up in [[Pucci Lavish]]'s jewelry box, by her own admission.

This was disguised with the complicity of [[Mavolio Bent]], Chief Cashier of the bank, which led to some complications for Moist when he was picked up on the non-existence of said gold. (It also led to mental stress for Bent, who then had to live out the lie that the gold was still there. This internal turmoil was so strong it eventually caused Bent's deeply submerged ''[[Fools' Guild|alter ego]]'' to emerge after years of repression, and take over. Sir Joshua is also responsible for having briefed his son [[Cosmo Lavish|Cosmo]] as to Bent's true nature, knowing his son could be trusted with the information, and one day may need a lever to ensure the Bank remains in safe - or, at least, Lavish - hands.

Sir Joshua Lavish kept extensive and ''very'' informative diaries: what he considered were the unimportant bits, such as Bent's true history and what ''really'' happened to the gold, were not encrypted. Like that other famous diarist Sir Samuel Pepys, the bits concerning his sexual peccadilloes were encoded. This should not present the Patrician's cryptologists with any difficulty and might even enlighten their working day... (especially when their arch-cryptographer is none other than [[Leonard of Quirm]].)

Presumably was a patron of the shop run by [[Tuttle Scrope]] which, whilst being a leatherware shop, wasn't the ''usual'' kind of leather goods emporium...

==Annotation==

Diarist Sir Samuel Pepys had his own set of priorities concerning what should and should not be kept encrypted. Information concerning the rebuilding of the Royal Navy and about England's parlous financial state, which would have been dynamite in the hands of an enemy such as Holland or France, was left in plain English, whilst all the stuff about rogering the upstairs housemaid was put in code of his own devising. He presumably thought the wrath of his wife was to be feared more than the displeasure of the King...

[[Category:Human characters|Lavish, Joshua]]
[[de:Joshua Üppig]]

Watchmen's Guild

2010-11-23T15:19:07Z

217.155.192.180:

{{spoilersfor|''[[Book:The Fifth Elephant|The Fifth Elephant]]''}}

Established by the members of the [[Ankh-Morpork]] [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch|City Watch]] during the short and disorderly reign of [[Fred Colon]] as Watch Captain, so to negotiate for the return of those positions and benefits that had been quickly cut by Acting-Captain Colon. Like all the other [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork|legalised guilds]], the Watchmen's Guild was properly registered with the [[Patrician's Palace]]. [[Nobby Nobbs|Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs]] was elected to serve as the Guild's first president, and this was probably the highest leadership position he has ever achieved, since he had taken care to stay at the rank of corporal.

The Guild went on strike but never had a chance to actually negotiate with Acting-Captain Colon, who had barricaded himself inside the Watch headquarters at [[Pseudopolis Yard]] where he remained until [[Carrot Ironfoundersson|Captain Carrot]] came back and gained entry to the building by force. During the strike the Watchmen discussed strategies and demands in their favorite pub [[The Bucket]], a process that, while not very productive, but did serve to keep the striking-Watchmen relatively happy.

It is unclear whether the Watchmen's Guild continued after [[Samuel Vimes|Mr. Vimes]] and [[Carrot Ironfoundersson|Captain Carrot]] returned to Ankh-Morpork, called back those Watchmen who had been sacked, and restored Colon to his old comfortable rank of sergeant. Given the Patrician [[Havelock Vetinari|Lord Vetinari]]'s habit of not breaking something that causes no harm, it is likely that this Guild nominally stays in existence, but is no-longer very active.

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]
[[de:Wächtergilde]]

Legba

2010-11-15T13:25:59Z

217.155.192.180:

Legba is a big black cock.

Cock''erel'', that is. He is [[Erzulie Gogol|Mrs Gogol]]'s familiar, and struts around both swamp and [[Genua]] town with [[wikipedia:Impunity|impunity]]. He is the only creature (well - until [[You]] the cat) that is a match for [[Greebo]]. See {{WA}} for details.

==Annotation==
In African and Haitian [[wikipedia:Haitian_Voodoo|Voodoo]] ritual and lore, [[wikipedia:Papa_Legba|Papa Legba]] is the keeper of the crossroads between the worlds, the messenger. Legba is always the first god honored in every ritual because he opens the door or, to put it another way, he opens the road to the spirit world. As master of the crossroads, he can help you find the way if you are lost.

[[Category:Supernatural entities]]
[[de:Legba]]

Quirke

2010-11-09T11:20:43Z

217.155.192.180:

Captain "''Mayonnaise''" Quirke was the Captain of the Day Watch, before the two Watches were combined to form the [[City Watch]]. He was called 'Mayonnaise' because he is thick, rich and oily, and smells faintly of eggs - he doesn't have the imagination to be a bad man, but instead deals in the type of generalised unpleasantness that slightly tarnishes the soul of all who come into contact with it: rather like British Rail.

Believes that a shiny breastplate and a plume on his helmet make him important.

Even in a world where speciesism is more likely than racism, he is described as the sort of man who will always pronounce the word "''negro''" with an extra "''g''." He believes that all dwarfs and all trolls are automatically in the wrong because they aren't human. A typical bullying copper of the sort that makes small businesses pay him protection to make sure that they don't have any trouble, and who never pays for meals at city restaurants because otherwise he would make trouble for them.

He was turfed out of the old Watch by [[Sam Vimes]] as [[John Keel]] during {{NW}}:

'''Quirke''': "''I've got five years' Good Service, I have''!"

'''Sam Vimes-as-John Keel''': "''No, you've got five years' 'Not-Found-Out''!'").

He later rose to prominence under Captain [[Findthee Swing]] and would continue his role in the Day Watch over the years.

He is described as having the gnawing, nerve-sapping vitriol of the mediocre: not bright enough to get anywhere on merit he can only hate what he can't achieve and rubbish it.

And he never thinks for himself. He does what he is told, as thinking is too difficult for him.

Then-Corporal [[Carrot]] lays him out with a sweet uppercut in {{MAA}} and then establishes with the [[Patrician]] that the two Watches should be conjoined into one police force, under the Commandership of Vimes. Quirke is never heard of again, so presumably Vimes turfs him out of the Watch, (for a second time.)--(Or rather the first time, from Vimes point of view, owing to Time travel being involved the first time round.)

[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[de:Schrulle]]

Creaser

2010-11-03T10:48:37Z

217.155.192.180:

The septuagenarian chief executive of [[Ankh-Morpork]]'s equivalent of the Inland Revenue. [[Vetinari]] and [[Drumknott]] have recently pondered his working methods and the efficiency of the tax-gathering system. Vetinari is of the opinion that there is "''[[no great rush]]''" for a seventy-four year old to retire from the helm of the Government's revenue-collection system, which is in need of some attention, and quite possibly a younger and more able man at the helm. Even though Mr Creaser is, in Vetinari's character judgement, not a man with a flexible cast of mind and a little bit at sea in the modern world. The Patrician also deplores Mr Creaser's ''[[wikipedia:Modus Operandi|modus operandi]]'', which in its essentials boils down to holding somebody over a bucket and shaking them down, to see what falls out of his pockets.

Somebody as old as Creaser would almost certainly be a hangover from the days of previous Patricians such as [[Snapcase]] and [[Winder]], both of whom would have seen taxation as [[wikipedia:License|licenced]] [[wikipedia:Extortion|extortion]] and a means of spreading largesse to political allies, rather than as an efficient means of funding the common requirements of a modern State. Creaser's methods and underlying philosophy would therefore have been formed in an age of [[wikipedia:Tax farming|tax-farming]], and rely on more directly physical means of encouraging the citizen to contribute to the common good, than Vetinari would feel happy about.

A Tax-Gatherer used to the old tax-farming system would also be receptive to its less efficient and more venal aspects - ie, the opportunity to cream a little off the top, as everyone else is at it, right from the very top downwards. As in these days the people at the very top are of unimpeachable fiscal honesty, the days of the Creasers are numbered in double, possibly single, digits.

Vetinari also notes, in the light of [[Moist von Lipwig]]'s continued success and soaring popularity among the population, that [[Taxmaster]] is not a job where the post-holder attracts friends or popular acclaim. Only a really public-spirited servant of the City could be persuaded to take it on... (this may be dealt with in more detail in a rumoured forthcoming book, [[Book:Raising Taxes|Raising Taxes]] (''rumoured as of October 2007''.))

As we have seen before when a rising star appears in the dull Ankh-Morpork firmament, it is never allowed to rise so far that it outshines Vetinari... the balance of power is best served by keeping your able-subordinates, well, subordinate, as [[Samuel Vimes]] and [[Carrot Ironfoundersson|Carrot]] both discovered.

[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[Category:Human characters]]
[[Category:Making Money]]

No great rush

2010-11-03T10:39:27Z

217.155.192.180:

''"No great rush..."'' is a favourite saying of [[Vetinari]]'s, when he is ''especially'' keen for a subordinate to get a move on and take the necessary corrective action.

He uses the phrase a lot to [[Moist von Lipwig]], who, being a man skilled in the spin and curve that can be put on words, (in much the same way that Steve Davis is a man skilled in the spin and curve that can be put on billiard balls,) correctly interprets it as:

"''Although this situation has persisted in its current form for quite some time now, and, will carry on doing so, unless given the correct sort of applied change, I would be exceedingly grateful if you would start to do something about it ''now''. Thank you so much''."

The phrase is put into its ''absolutely'' correct context in {{TLH}}, where there is an exchange between Vetinari and [[Ponder Stibbons]] concerning the relative value of an arts versus a science degree. With a [[Prince Haram's Tiller|crisis]] having developed aboard the [[Kite]] which requires instant decision-making by Mission Control, Vetinari delivers the killer comeback to Stibbons:

"''You have one minute, Mr Stibbons. No great rush''"

It's amazing how quickly things get done and how much bureaucratic inertia can be overcome when Vetinari has said there's no great rush about doing something...

[[Category:Discworld concepts]]

Andy Hancock

2010-11-02T11:52:16Z

217.155.192.180:

{{Character Data
|title=Special Constable
|photo=
|name=Andy Hancock
|age=
|race= Human
|occupation=Clacksman, and [[Specials|special]] Constable in the [[Ankh-Morpork_City_Watch|Watch]]
|appearance=
|residence=
|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status=
|books=[[Book:Thud%21|Thud!]]
|cameos=
}}

A very keen member of the [[Specials|specials]], Andy's only sin is perhaps a cheerful over-enthusiasm for his part-time occupation.

Andy has equipped himself, entirely at his own expense, with a range of definitely non-standard weaponry, which is ''in every case'' far better than the one-size-doesn't-fit-anybody stuff the [[City Watch|Watch]] give out. This includes what he describes to Samuel Vimes as "''a new truncheon''," which on closer examination turns out to be an Agatean martial arts weapon called a [[Numknuts|numknuts]]. Andy also comes equipped with two curved Agatean swords strapped across his back.

This has all led to his entering Watch folklore, as when he drew them in a single fluid overarm movement, a fellow officer named as Special Constable [[Piggle]], who was standing next to him at the time, had to then be sent to [[Igor]] to have his arm sewn back on. In all fairness, Igor said it was a clean cut and he'd never done such an easy re-attachment, but this wasn't entirely the point...

Vimes is prepared to overlook a lot if the root cause is over-enthusiasm for the job, and in any case, "''Two-Swords Hancock''" has other uses for the Watch which stem from his day job as a [[Clacks|Clacksman]].

[[Category:Discworld characters|Hancock, Andy]]
[[de:Andy Hancock]]

Imaginary Friend

2010-11-01T10:58:08Z

217.155.192.180:

In a place as literal-minded and permeated by magic as the Discworld, the concept of the childhood imaginary friend or "inner voice", which on more prosaic worlds is an imaginative construct of the mind, becomes more than just imaginary.

Take, for instance, [[Agnes Nitt]]'s alter-ego of Perdita. She exists, alright, and has been known to take over Agnes whenever she gets fed up of being the thin girl struggling to get out from underneath the mountain of [[chocolate]] consumed by the plumper girl.

Consider also [[Rincewind]]'s conscience, which pops up in extremis with a life of its own, and gently nags and berates, until Rincewind reluctantly does the right thing. Here is another entity that is clearly independent of its host, as Rincewind's concept of the "right thing" is to run away from danger, and keep on running, until he is either in a place of relative safety or is in danger of falling over the [[Edge]].

A third example appears to have been created by [[Samuel Vimes]] in response to Vimes' inner musing on "who guards the guards", i.e., who prevents a Watchman from going over the edge and making his own law for the day. Vimes - with a little prod from [[Carrot Ironfoundersson|Captain Carrot]] - resists the seductive voice of the [[Gonne]], with great effort. But that seductive voice takes other forms and requires constant checking and total self-control. [[Detritus]] once remarked about the effort it took Vimes to arrest, rather than otherwise deal with, child-killers who kept a souvenir of their crime: he considered that had he, Detritus, not been there, only Vimes would have walked away alive. Vimes refers to the constant temptation to go "Dirty Harry" as "The Beast", and considers that if kept on a leash, it can be a useful asset to the watchman. In {{T!}}, we see both the Beast and the Inner Watchman take shape inside Vimes: one is the dread entity the [[Dwarfs]] refer to, when they have to, as the [[Mine sign|Summoning Dark]], which seeks to take possession of Vimes. In response to this threat, from somewhere deep within Vimes, there emerges the personification of the Watchman: the [[Mine sign|Guarding Dark]]. This is the part of Vimes that has successfully resisted allowing the Beast to take over, and which appears to have developed a sentience all of its own.

Is [[Foul Ole Ron]]'s [[Foul Ole Ron's Smell|Smell]] a fourth example? This entity is clearly more evolved than the person who created it and has been known to follow intellectual pursuits all of its own, such as visiting the [[Opera House|opera]] or the art gallery. It certainly took a keen interest in the [[Patrician]]'s collection of sheet music, until invited to leave the [[Oblong Office]].

A close reading of {{CJ}} suggests that second personas are more common that would appear, at first glance. [[Granny Weatherwax]], in an in-between state between death, becoming a vampire, and returning to the world as herself, is interested that the road back to the real world, as herself, is signposted by [[Mightily Oats]]'s [[Om]]nian prayers. She is even more interested that Mightily is fighting a constant battle with his Inner Atheist, or at least his Inner Agnostic. For wrapped in the strands of prayer is a ''second'' Oats who is not religious, in fact fiercely anti-clerical and negative about faith.

''ah...one mind, split in half. There were more Agneses in the world than Agnes dreamed of, Granny told herself. All the girl had done was to give the thing a name, and once you give the thing a name you give it life...''

And of course while in the near-Death space where the black sand is underfoot, Esmerelda Weatherwax comes out as Granny's dark shadow, to taunt her and seek to lead her into the other sort of witchcraft: "''I've fought you every day of my life and you'll get no victory now. I knows who you are now, Esmerelda Weatherwax, and you don't scare me no more!''"

This indicates that Granny herself once had a "''Perdita''" of herown to deal with... she has, in fact, admitted as much to Agnes Nitt, who, (like Magrat before her,) didn't notice or realise how privileged she was to get a very rare glimpse into Granny's deeper psyche. When Agnes arrives back in Lancre at the end of the events described in {{M!!!}} and admits defeat - she agrees to move into Magrat's old cottage and "''give it an airing''," which is as good at conceding that she is ready to become a witch, without actually admitting it - Granny rewards her with a personal confidence. Like Agnes has a Perdita, Granny, at the same age, once experimented with being Endenomonia. Granny is perhaps saying, without admitting it, "''I had a Perdita too, once. It's not unique''."

[[Category:Discworld concepts]]

Healstether

2010-10-19T13:00:18Z

217.155.192.180:

Miss Healstether is Lady [[Margolotta]]'s personal librarian in [[Bonk]].

In appearance tall, slim, haughty and cultured, the shorter Lady Margolotta uses her as camouflage in trips to [[Ankh-Morpork]], as most people looking at both of them together will inevitably make the wrong decision, (as to which one of them is Lady Margolotta.)

Having been responsible for the early literary education of Mr [[Nutt]], there is a suspicion at the end of {{UA}} that Margolotta and Vetinari have arranged some incidental matchmaking for light relief: shortly after Vetinari speculates to Margolotta that Rufus [[Drumknott]]'s life might change for the better if he met a young lady who could be persuaded to dress up as a manila envelope, he meets Miss Healstether for the first time.

She is seen to be comparing ring-binders and office stationery with him, on the proven ''I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours'' principle. It is possible her spinster status may be ending.

[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[de:Heilstetter]]

Night Kitchen

2010-10-19T12:24:59Z

217.155.192.180:

The Night Kitchen is the second most important place at [[Unseen University]] after - not the [[Great Hall]] - but the main kitchen. [[Wizards]] do '''not''' like going hungry, so somebody needs to make the ''hundreds'' of pies needed to keep them going through the night.

Those somebodies are the denizens of the Night Kitchen, led by [[Glenda Sugarbean]]. Here she was less-than-ably assisted by [[Juliet Stollop]] before she set off as [[Jewels]]. Also with Mrs Hedges on cheese boards, and Mildred and Rachel the vegetable women.

{{stub}}

[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Unseen University Locations]]
[[de:Nachtküche]]

Twurp's Peerage

2010-10-14T13:48:41Z

217.155.192.180: /* Twurp's Peerage */

Twurp's Peerage is the directory of all the nobility of [[Ankh-Morpork]] and its satellites, describing their lineage and titles. It lists the positions of [[Sybil Ramkin|Lady Sybil]], [[de Worde|Lord De Worde]] and [[Ronald Rust|Lord Rust]] without moral judgement.

On [[Roundworld]] the catalogue of English nobility is [[wikipedia:Burkes_Peerage|''Burke's Peerage'']]. In colloquial English, "berk" and "twerp" are both pejorative names for an obnoxious, silly person. Rather like a prat.

==Twurp's Peerage==

...as recorded elsewhere: please add anyone entitled.

* [[Duke of Eorle]]
* [[Earl Hargarth]]
* [[Keli|Kelirehenna]], Her Majesty, Queen of Sto Lat
* [[Lord Monflathers]]
* [[Mort]], His Grace, Duke of Sto Helit (sadly deceased)
* [[Ysabell]], Her Grace, Duchess of Sto Helit (sadly deceased)
* Sir [[Roderick Purdeigh]]
* Lady [[Omnius]]
* Lady [[Sybil Ramkin|Sybil Vimes (née Ramkin)]] - Her Grace the Duchess of Ankh
* [[Brenda Rodley|Lady Brenda Rodley]], Dowager Duchess of Quirm
* [[Lord Rodley]], His Grace, Duke of Quirm
* [[Ronald Rust|Lord Ronald Rust]]
* [[Albert Selachii|Lord Albert Selachii]]
* Sir [[Bernard Selachii]]
* Lord [[Robert Selachii]]
* [[Viscount Skater]]
* Lord [[Snapcase]]
* [[Susan Sto Helit]], Her Grace the Duchess of Sto Helit
* [[Venturi|Lady Alice Venturi]]
* Lord [[Charles Venturi]]
* [[Havelock Vetinari|Lord Havelock Vetinari]]
* Sir [[Samuel Vimes]], His Grace the Duke of Ankh
* Lord [[de Worde]]
* Rupert de Worde
* [[William de Worde]]
* Lord [[Downey]]
* Lord d'Eath (deceased)
* [[Edward d'Eath]]

{{stub}}

[[Category:Discworld culture]]
[[Category:Discworld publications]]
[[de:Twurps Adelsverzeichnis]]